Say Something Nice or Nothing at All

Hi. Assalamualaikum.

Do you know that feeling when your in law (especially the mother in law) came to your house right, fellow wives? That uneasy feeling or super nervous feeling. Or probably it's just me. It's not that I don't like my in law to come to my house. It's just that it stressing me out due to the pressure that come with it. The pressure of what to cook, will our house meet their expectation, is our place comfortable enough, etc. You know lah, if our own parents come, it's like so chill nothing to worry about because your own parents knows you best but if the in law come it suddenly becomes a big deal, like everything must be perfect. MUST. BE. Can you relate? Please say yes. Well, let's skip this part.

So, last few weeks my father in law, mother in law, brother in law and his wife came to our house. We have a relative wedding the next day. No need to tell all the details so let's fast forward to the day they went back. My husband and I were asked to follow them to their hometown to visit the relatives. That's fine, it's been long since we last visited the relatives anyway (padahal the day before during the wedding dah jumpa everyone *sigh). So we followed. But the next thing happened was not that fine. Each and every house we went to, they kept on asking about when will we get baby bla bla bla. Below are basically what they said (some of it):

- "Bila nak dapat baby? Pergilah urut ke apa ke."
- "Laa takde baby lagi ke? Kan dah dekat 2 tahun kahwin. Lama sangat dah tu."
- "Tak sihat ke patut la takde isi lagi, senang sangat sakit." (I was not really well at that time due to too much travelling and working.)

This is exactly why we don't want to visit the relatives. Such questions! It hurts so bad that my heart breaks into million pieces (don't know if can put it back together or not *sigh). So, I can't help but almost cry then, but I swallowed it and keep on sabar. I mean, come on, how can a human be so mean? Family some more. I thought family should support each other? No? And yes, I do understand that you guys want a grandchild or two or more I don't know but please where's your manner, where's you compassion? Tak kesian ke cakap macam tu to a couple yang still tak ada anak? Seriously? Well, you can just pray for us instead of questioning. Do you know how hurt we felt? I cried so bad when we reached home. I just couldn't stop thinking why are they so mean, why are they saying such hurtful things to us. So I kept on crying the whole day. Dude, for God's sake, we tried our freaking best to get a child, but no rezeki yet. How can we force such thing kan? We tried and tawakal to Allah because we believe that Allah will give us what we want/need at the very right time, no cepat no lambat. We pray for it endlessly and we just hope that people will at least understand our feeling and stop pushing us. Please.

The relatives, from what I can see are religious people. But why do they not act like one? I thought religious people should understand the rezeki concept better that us? So why are they asking again? Are they questioning Allah's plan? I don't know how to comprehend this anymore.

I seriously feel like talking back to them like "can you just shut up" or "why don't you je get a child" or "tanyalah Tuhan why we still didn't get a child, tanya kitorang pun macam mana kitorang nak tahu/jawab" or punch them in the face or just totally ignore them, etc. But of course we will be viewed as rude kan if we say/do such thing? HAHA. Sometimes I feel like these older people always want to be respected but they don't do anything to gain our respect. Like hello, you want our respect, then gain it. Tak kisah lah tua ke muda, semua kena tahu hormat orang lain then only orang lain boleh hormat you.

Okay lah whatever. Just suck it up, Nurul. So actually my point is, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. As simple as that. 👊


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